Suddenly it became so dark, you can no longer see things clearly and you start to bump against everything surrounding you. You feel scared and lost, you can even hear your own heart beat and you cannot feel your legs anymore! your whole body is on a strike refusing to function properly asking for the pampering and attention it used to get before the collapse.
You desperately want to get out of your darkness.. you start looking for a candle to light, hoping that the flicker of your flame maybe able to guide you, only to realize that flames only destroy and burn whatever hope that is left in you. You rush to find that blue flashlight you once kept in one of your kitchen drawers but you now have no sense of direction to even lead you to your own kitchen!
You can see a far tiny glimpse of light and you decide to follow it, hoping it may lead you to light.. you start crawling on the harsh cold wooden floor, touching that tiny light that is reflected on the floor as if you were trying to hold on to your last hope of surviving.
Million thoughts rushed into your mind, and million questions followed.. you had flashbacks of the first time you met, and the last time you did.. how he used to guide you and be there for you when you needed him, and how he had been there for her when SHE needed him.. you can still smell his scent with each fearful short breath you take, and you remembered the midget version of your face that you were able to see in his sparkling eye pupil when you used to stare at each other for hours..
You have now the ultimate emotional cocktail that includes all sweet and sour flavours blended with ice to cool down the hot taste of pain. Your questions kept haunting you.. and they all started with 'Why'.. Why do my tears fall for someone who never really loved me? Why is it I miss him after all what he has done? And why do I love someone whose love was never really mine? Why did he hurt me? Why did this happen to me? Why did i trust him? ... and you get this hurricane of questions that cause you a flood that wants answers. You gather all the power you have got -which cannot operate a small racing car toy- and decided to seek answers for all your questions believing that the answers will free you. As long as you seek answers, you will get deeper and deeper in this triple gravity sucking hole that goes all the way down to the boiling center of earth.
Grab my hand...i will try to walk you through it. I am not an angel who performs miracles, nor a love doctor who can prescribe 500mg dose of anti-hurt medication... I'm also not a witch who can cook the 'forget he existed' soup. I am only a woman who has been in the exact same hole you are in, and after a long time of darkness, and the power of trial and error, managed to see the light.
Stop asking yourself why, you will never find a satisfying answer, but i will give you one answer that you can apply to all your questions.. Because life is not a Disney movie where all love stories end up with the a girl living happily every after with her handsome prince. Life is unfair! just deal with it!
I will try to give you some advice on how you can deal with it with the absence of his presence. First you need to grief and let it all out, cry and scream as much as you can, stay in your pajamas as much as you like, feel the pain and sadness until you are all cried out and your eyeballs are so dry that you can feel them cracking. You can calculate the grief length according to the lifetime of your destroyed relationship using this formula: 1 year of relationship = 1 month of grief
After you are done with grief, it is time to open a new page .. but before you do, you should now go back to previous chapters in your book, look for the pages that are related to your relationship, take them out and burn them in your fireplace. (if you don't have one, you can use any metal bowl or sink.. or get yourself a fireplace! they add an amazing charm to any room).
Ok some of you may say 'What Book!!' I haven't got any books except the 'Atkins Diet' book and the 'Speak French in One Week' booklet.. Well I'm going to be nice here only because you are broken hearted. I mean you have to throw away every memory of him. That's right.. delete all his emails and SMS messages, and ofcourse his number (which I am certain you know it by heart, but still you do not want his name on your phonebook), delete all his pictures if you have them on your computer or burn them if you have the hardcopy ones (I wonder if people still have those!!), throw all his gifts, give away your clothes that reminded you of certain dates you had with him to charity, delete him off your FB and MSN, and warn your friends to never mention his name infront of you.
Now that he doesn't exist in your life anymore, or anything that reminds you of him (except your evil memory that will be lost with time), focus on yourself to regain the parts you lost ( could be the gaining parts too such as the extra ponds you have put on! ).
I am suggesting 15 helpful tips that have helped me out personally:
- Go to the gym and let your energy out. Try going to a 'females only' gym so you wont feel weird with some perverts staring at your butt while you are on the StairMaster. (I suggest Yoga classes, Pilates, and kickboxing).
- Prepare a CD or add certain 'lift up' songs to your Ipod and listen to it in your car or at home, and stay away from cheesy love songs ( I suggest the famous 'I will survive').
- Pamper your self and nourish your beauty.. go to spas and try out different massages ( I suggest Aromatherapy massages), get a hair cut or change your hair color, make sure your nails are always pretty (they really do reflect on how you feel about yourself, nicely shaped eyebrows do the trick too!!).
- Wear colors that are proved to enhance your mood and the moods of people who see you. Gentle shades of green and blue are known to relieve stress and neutral pastel tones create a sense of well-being.
- Eat healthy and use vitamin supplement to help you look vibrant. Vitamin B-complex is your new best friend as its known for its 'feel good' effect.
- Go to the nearest cosmetic store and buy facial beauty products, new makeup, and new perfume.
- Pray and ask god to forgive him for what he did to you, and grant you what you deserve. ( You have to forgive him yourself first, never underestimate the power of forgiveness.. it makes you feel at peace with yourself)
- Never badmouth him.. If his name came up resist mentioning to people how stingy or unfaithful or psycho he was, if you haven't got any nice words to say about him just keep silent ( I know its a very difficult task, but you got to trust me).
- Do not follow your curiousity and ask around to know if he is dating someone new or not, you simply do not care...
- Get yourself a a cute pet (or couple of glowing gold fish) and a new plant ( I suggest you getting a Bonsai Tree), it feels great when you take care of a living a thing.
- I always say that the shortest way for you to be happy is to make someone else happy.. Get involved in charity activities, help the people in need, express your love to those whom you care about. (I started hugging my mother and tell her i love her each morning)
- Read self help books ( I suggest a great book by the great Ahlam Mostaghanmi called 'Nisyan.com' you can read it online on http://www.scribd.com/doc/18373726/- . Another book is called 'Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man' by Steve Harvey).
- Try self hypnosis!! It worked with me!! ( download the Paul Mckenna self hypnosis series, all you got to do is listen to it before you sleep. Paul also has great books you may want to read).
- Try out online games, they really get your mind away from all the hassles of the real world. (FB has great games you might need to try such as Pet Society, Farmville, and Cafe World).
- Last but not least, do not think of yourself as a victim. You are not anymore. ( most of us subconsciously love the idea of being victims, since we get sympathy from others. As long as you feel you are a victim you will not get over him).
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